I had a dream yesterday night. It was more like a dream in a dream. I dreamt that I was sleeping and I was having a dream about Abg Madir, but I didn't saw his face though. It's just a thought but in that dream, I know he's gone. I tried to wake up from it, then when I got my senses back, my mind sort of said, "you're in reality now and he's really gone." I thought I was still in the dream, then I tried to wake up and gain back my consciousness, then it sort of said again, "you're awake already and he's REALLY gone." Oh, you have no idea how I wish that was all just a dream seriously. Eversince Alya was born, I've been thinking about him so much more now. I imagined how it'll be like if he was here. How he'd treat her, be by Sister's side. Everytime I think of him, I can't help but tear up. But now, I kept telling myself to be strong and that he's in a way better place. One of the reason is that I don't want Sis to see it. It'll be embarrassing, knowing that she could hold back the tears and remain strong ever since and seeing her little sister crying will just break her spirit. I dont want that to happen, I want her to remain strong as she was then, and now still.

Abg Madir, words can't describe how much I miss you, seriously. It might sound cheesy but I dont care. I do miss you and whenever I see pictures of you, its like as if you're still here. Like now! Your face just flashed in my mind and it didn't seem like you're gone. It's like you're still here. It's just been too long not seeing your face and it feels weird and awkward after seeing you for 10 years almost every week. Sure, others might see you as my brother in law, thats it. But, I believe you're more than that. You're already like my own brother. Who knew back then when you were massaging my leg that I would witness your departure? Who knew back then when we were at the back of the van having our own 'concert' that you would depart at such a young age? Who knew? Allah. Maybe thats why He made plans for you and my family to spend time with each other and enjoy each other's company because he knew that we'll miss you so much when you're gone. And atleast we have fond and great memories together to look back on. Alhamdylillah. I've never seen my dad cried that hard before but he cried when you left. Not only on the day itself, but even these few days, recently. He even said that he's not satisfied in spending time with you. We all aren't. You sure did made a huge impact in our life. You were the friendly one and you knew almost everyone. Your circle of friends is bigger than a normal human being should have. It's proven on your day of departure. Alot of people came, surrounding you to send you off to the Almighty. Ya Allah, accept our prayer for your servant Abg Madir, Ya Allah. Amin.

I miss you, Abg Madir. InsyaAllah, we'll meet soon as a family. Amin.