But, when I feel like going out, I look at my mother and I just can't seem to go. She have to deal with Lala, her noise, her demands, her needs, her choosy-ness. Oh my, I just cant leave her with all that. Atleast if I'm at home, I can help her out a little. But if I go out, she have to deal with all that. Eventhough she said she doesn't mind, I know she does cause compared to everyone who're living in this house, Mom's the one who needs the most rest. Not trying to be rude or anything, but she's not that young anymore and she tend to have backaches, sore feet and all that due to cleaning the house AND taking care of Lala. Yes, I pity her very much. I can even cry looking at her like that, eventhough she doesn't mind. I know deep down, deep deep deep down, she does. But sadly, no fucking one seems to see that 'little hidden' message, except me. I can see that she can't take it, she's too tired. If I bring this matter up, it's not gonna do any good cause my opinion is worthless like that.

"Dulu mak pernah pikir, bila mak dah tua, mak nak relax. Dudok dekat rumah, siram pokok, tenang-tenang kat rumah. Anak-anak dah kahwin, sume ada rumah sendiri. Mak nak relax jer. Tapi sekarang tak boleh. Tengok jer lah, tu. Haiz." How can you not feel sad for her after she said that? Since then, I promised myself to make my mom happy. That's all I can do, for now. Sometimes, I hate that I'm only 16. I cant help much in this family. But, its ok I'm not gonna make that as an issue. I promised myself to make her happy. Try to get what she wants, even if I don't really have the money. The only thing that I am currently doing is, make her relax. Whatever Lala's asking from her, I'm going to do it instead. Enough with the house chores that she's doing, I'm going to make her seat back and relax. But, sometimes I just can't help it cause children nowadays are just superduper rebellious you know. They are not scared of punishments anymore. As always, all I can do too, is pray and hope that it'll be answered as soon as possible. InsyaAllah. I love you Mom, so so so much.